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When what you want to be happening in life isn’t working out it can be easy to fall into a dark hole. I have spent the better part of at least the last year angry and depressed because nothing was happening at the pace I wanted it to. I was miserable. I’ve been in a much better head space these last couple months and I wanted to share a little bit about my story and what has helped turn my perspective around.
I desperately want children.
I have had baby fever for years. In the future, my husband and I look forward to fostering and hopefully adopting many children. Unfortunately having a baby or fostering a child is not possible for us right now for a number of reasons.
I want to be a stay at home mom. This is a non-negotiable for me. I don’t like my job and there’s no way I’m leaving my baby all day to work at it.
My husband is trying to find his career path. It’s been a difficult couple of years and it is essential for him to have stable employment that will be able to support the family long term.
Our house is a construction zone. We would never pass the state’s inspection to foster due to the lack of a heating system throughout the house and a hole in our living room ceiling that will require some extensive demo and redoing.
My husband got his certification to become a teacher, but was unable to get a job this school year as we had hoped.
My work added a lot of responsibilities to my job that I hadn’t had previously and gave me a trainee to help me who ended up being pregnant. This made me incredibly angry. First of all that I had been given more work, but no extra pay. And secondly because the one that was supposed to be there to help me would end up training and then have 3 months off to have her baby.
I’ve been forced to learn a lesson in patience.
I wanted to feel better and enjoy life and I realized:
You have to choose to be happy. Choose to be at peace.
Don’t let the negativities of your situation bring you down.
My mind loves to cling to the bad and spin it to keep me in that state of mind. I fight that instinct more on some days than others.
Going New Places and Trying New Things
I needed something to look forward to that was actually within my grasps, so I started to plan weekend outings every weekend.
This helped my husband and my spirits.
We experienced a lot of firsts and joined in on some of our old favorite events.
We went to the zoo, to Boston, to a concert at the fair, and to a huge flea market.
Focus on Hobbies
I needed something to concentrate on at home as well. I needed to focus on me.
Learning new skills has been my favorite way to give back to myself.
I’ve crocheted, started sewing, learned all I could about starting this blog, and I devote more time into reading.
This has been very rewarding. Working on projects gives me a feeling of productiveness that my usual Netflix binges do not. I love being able to hold something and know that I made it.
Overall though the most important thing I did was make the decision to be happy. Now I’m no longer the one keeping myself in that black hole.
I choose joy and I choose peace and it honestly felt like flipping a switch. No more stress nightmares, no more walking around angrily. It was an incredibly freeing feeling. I know that everything will come in its time. It always has before.
I hope that you are able to find the happiness and the patience you are looking for. I realize it might not be as easy for everyone.
Nothing comes from living your life for the future. Embrace the life you’re living today, find the good in your day, learn a new skill, be a better you.