Dating with Intent

Dating With Intent

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One thing to learn about me is I like things to always be moving in a forward motion. If I’m not making progress towards the future life that I want, I’m frustrated.

I feel like life is way too short to mess around and waste time with the wrong people.

My goals for my life have never really revolved around a career. I’m good at working. My jobs have always quickly liked me for being dependable and good with details and I’ve been given opportunities to move up, which of course I take wherever I can get. However I can’t think of anything I could do that I would enjoy more than being a stay at home mom. I’m here to raise some beautiful children, I feel that in my bones.

If a man had never come into my life, I would have found a career path that could have made me decently happy (like a librarian!) but for me having a husband and kids has been the top goal.

Since at this stage in my life I am married, all of my decisions now focus on creating a stable home for us to have children.

Before I met my husband, the natural thought would be: “How do I go about finding someone to marry?”

I met my husband at 18, so I really didn’t have many years to figure out the whole dating thing. But I quickly adopted the philosophy of dating with intent.

When I was in high school, I dated a boy just to say I had a boyfriend. It was something I felt like I should have at that age. I enjoyed the free dinners, movies, ice cream, but not the guy. It ended up wreaking emotional havoc within me because I’m an introvert. I don’t like going out all that often and I especially didn’t like being in a relationship where I saw no future. What was the point?

How to Date With a Purpose

After that I rethought my approach to dating and I think this thought process is helpful to anyone looking to have serious relationships progress into marriage. Or simply- looking to not get too hurt with a string of exes who weren’t as into you as you were to them.
I’m not here judging. I know I got extremely lucky in finding someone I wanted to spend my life with so early. It really saddens me when I see the same girls in and out of relationships with guys that are not in it for the long haul, but the girl desperately wants to be.
It’s all over Facebook.
The standards for relationships are low. The guy can be a complete cheating bum, but if he makes the smallest gesture like brings her some McDonald’s he’s a total prince. #relationshipgoals

Self Value

Have higher standards for yourself!

After my first boyfriend, I decided to have higher standards when it came to who I even spent time with. Dating with intent for me meant only dating someone who had the potential of becoming my husband. If a guy didn’t have serious qualities in the talking stage, I didn’t want to be in a relationship with them. It is very much like a modern take on courting. These are standards set by me and not by my parents.

Your time is important. Your heart is important. You should protect them at all cost. Don’t waste either of these on people who haven’t proven they deserve it.

I often hear from single friends how there is “no good guys out there”. The truth is you have to be a good person to get a good person. Work on yourself, figure out what you want, and hold potential dates to your standards. Don’t drop your standards to accommodate. When we do this, we allow guys to continue to act the way we all complain about. Make them grow up! If they’re not ready to, they’re not the one!

Can you imagine how quickly guys would start shaping up and actually taking girls on real dates if that’s what they had to do to be with a girl at all?



How Dating With Intent Looks in Practice

I was fortunate to find a guy who actually had similar thoughts on dating. My husband tells me that he thought he would probably marry his first girlfriend.
During the first week of us making it official, he asked me what my goals of our relationship were.
The question took me aback for a second. I wasn’t sure if I should answer honestly or not because I was afraid of scaring him. I decided that if it scared him then this wouldn’t work anyways, so I told him marriage.
To my relief, he wholeheartedly agreed.

We made a kind of pact that day.

Basically if either one of us ever felt like we didn’t want to marry the other we should end it. Neither of us wanted wasted time or extended hurt feelings.

This made me feel incredibly safe in the relationship.

Getting this out of the way allowed us to talk about super serious topics much earlier than many people do. This is good because you don’t want to find out years into the relationship that you differ on opinion when it comes to huge life choices. Don’t wait to have these kinds of talks until you’ve already invested your heart and time into it.

Just because you’ve had this conversation doesn’t mean you’re on the fast track to the altar. We dated for 2 ½ years before getting married even though we were ready about a year before that.

You’re Never Too Young for This

Casual dating prepares you for divorce.

When you’re young your first love is all consuming. You’re obsessed. When it ends you’re completely heartbroken.
After you go through this cycle a couple times you become accustomed to losing love.

If you only ever date with the intent to marry, you don’t have the endless flow of new boyfriends to give your all to and lose.

And if you’re older and you haven’t been making your dating decisions like this until now: it’s not too late. Assess your life. Figure out what you want and need from, figure out what your relationship goals are, and hold potential partners accountable to them.

Don’t let society tell you Tinder is just how dating is now. It’s not true.

Dump the guys who only want your body, who don’t take you out on dates, don’t make you feel special, who always make you afraid they’ll leave.

Find yourself a guy who cares about you truly, who will be romantic, who will do things just to make you happy.
They are out there. Don’t settle for less.

4 thoughts on “Dating with Intent

  1. This was sooo good Kaity! I think you are totally right! I never felt bothered or pressured to date just to say I had a boyfriend, so I never got into a relationship until this year. I was friends with my current boyfriend for a year before we “upgraded” our relationship. I always had the mindset of, if I don’t find anyone, then it’s okay. If I do find someone, great! I love and value my current relationship, as we both have the same mindset / goal and are serious about it, and that also makes me feel secure.

    1. That’s awesome! I think a lot of people get caught up in dating for the sake of dating and I personally know several girls who constantly get hurt by that cycle.
      It sounds like you and your boyfriend really put the time in to get to know each other for real before turning it into a relationship and I’m a big supporter of that.

  2. Love this am so glad I am not dating in the tinder age. I met my husband and we both knew that we were going to get married he told me that night! Really great post xx

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